Love The Way You Lie
by FamousCookie
Summary: Nate watches and wishes from the sidelines as Blair stays in her unhappy marriage with her 6 month old daughter, Ann. But Blair's hiding a secret that could either destroy them or give them their happily ever after.
1. Just Gonna Stand There and Watch Me Burn

She barely even heard the slam of the front door through the cloud of rage in her mind. How dare he storm out on her. She should be the one getting so pissed off she can't even stay in the house anymore. In fact, she _was _that pissed off. She'd love more than anything to drop all her responsibility, leave the house and blow off some steam like he does so often. But one of them had to stay sober and sane for Ann's sake.

_Ann._ Finally a sound broke through Blair's clouded mind. The sound of her 6 month old daughter's cries was probably the only thing that could've soothed her rage. Apparently her baby girl had still been able to hear the loud slam of the door. Quickly, she made her way up to Ann's nursery and lifted the small baby into her arms. "Shhh, it's okay baby." She said in a soft calming voice as she rubbed her back. Slowly Ann's cries faded until she was breathing calmly in her mother's arms.

Blair looked down at her daughter, cradling her in her arms. Eventually, she noticed Ann's eyes begin to close again and a trace of joy crept through the anger. She placed Ann gently back in the crib that perfectly matched everything in the beautiful nursery she'd decorated just for Ann. The beautiful nursery that her husband has barely ever stepped foot in. Still, she couldn't help the soft smile that was on her face as she watched her daughter sleep. She was so perfect in her eyes. It always made Blair wonder if it was narcissistic to think about her daughter as so perfect when Ann was practically a little clone of herself. From her deep brown eyes to the mess of curls that had begun to grow from her head, she was completely Blair. There was no trace of Chuck in the innocent face. Of course there wasn't. How could anything so innocent be any part of him?

Thinking about Chuck made her want to scream into a pillow sometimes. She wouldn't though. Over the years she'd learned to bury all her emotions for her daughter's sake. Instead of losing her head in anger like Chuck does, Blair simply became eerily calm. Anyone who had known Blair throughout the years of her marriage learned that whenever she was uncharacteristacally calm it was a red flag for danger.

So when Nate heard the tranquil tone of Blair's voice over the phone, asking him to please come over and watch Ann for a bit while she runs some errands, he knew something was going on.

"Yeah, sure. I'll be right over." He said already grabbing his coat.

Nate knew about Blair and Chuck's shaky marriage and their arguing and it killed him to watch them at each other's throats over every little thing. He knew he had no right to interfere but he wanted to more than anything. He wanted to tell Blair to leave him already. He wanted to take her in his arms and tell her relationships don't have to be like that and that she could actually be happy with someone. Happy with him.

But Nate never said a word. He stood back and watched as his best friend and the woman he loved destroyed each other. He'd once told Blair how he felt. Obviously it hadn't worked out and to think of their encounter that day was far too painful for him.

He knew they could be happy together. All she had to do was wake up and realize how disfunctional and self-destructive her relationship with Chuck was. But he resigned himself to believing that would never happen. He'd watched Chuck and Blair fight with each other through 5 years of marriage. He saw Blair's hurt and suffering whenever Chuck refused to show Ann the attention she deserved as his daughter. Still, she stayed with him and put up with it. He knew she'd never leave him.

He repressed a sigh as he approached her home and knocked. Blair opened the door quicker than he expected as if she'd been sitting around just waiting to hear that knock. He couldn't help but notice how her eyes never met his as she stepped aside to let him in.

"Thanks so much for coming." She said as she turned and walked toward the kitchen. Assuming he was meant to follow he walked after her and sat at the kitchen table. He watched her as she walked around the kitchen making sure there were bottles stocked and everything was in place. She made even such a simple task appear so beautiful and graceful, he couldn't help watching her.

He eventually broke out of his trance long enough to realize the excessive amount of bottles in the refrigerator and he chuckled. "How long do you plan on having me babysit? A year?" He joked, knowing Blair was really just being over prepared as she always was when it came to Ann.

She simply smiled and it was almost the smile that he loved. However, it was tainted by years of pain. He was beginning to think he'd never see a real Blair smile ever again. And still she wouldn't look at him. It was unnerving how her eyes avoided his and he wondered why.

Just as he was about to go over everything he'd done the past couple days to figure out what he might have done to piss her off, Blair shut the refrigerator. His eyes caught sight of the calendar that hung there and he suddenly realized why she wouldn't look at him. It had been exactly a year ago. December 17th. How could he forget today was the 17th? Then he began to notice how dangerously similar today was to that day. He probably would have remembered had he walked past Rockefeller Center on his way here. However, he hadn't walked past there since December 17th last year. He would purposely walk a couple extra blocks just to avoid walking past it, especially around Christmas. It reminded him too much of Blair and painful memories he'd locked away in the back of his mind.

He quickly buried the memories again and looked up at her. She was still walking around the kitchen and avoiding his eyes at all costs. "So, uh... are you going Christmas shopping then?" He asked lamely. She had, after all, explained to him over the phone that she was.

"Yeah, I just have a few last minute things to pick up. It's Ann's first Christmas so I want to make sure it'll be one she won't forget." She said with a nod.

Nate had to laugh at this. "Blair, she's 6 months old. You could buy her a pony and she wouldn't remember it." He said, amusement and laughter clear in his voice. This earned him a glare but he didn't care. It was the first time she'd looked at him all day and he'd take what he could get.

"It's her first Christmas. It's going to be special." She rephrased before grabbing her coat out of the closet just outside the kitchen. She walked back into the kitchen and fixed her hair after pulling her coat on. "I shouldn't be too long. Just picking up a few things. You'll be okay?" she asked turning and fixing him with a pointed look that said if one hair was out of place on her daughter's head he'd suffer big time.

He nodded even though they both knew she had nothing to worry about. Nate loved Ann and he was great with her. Babysitting her was the best he could do to remain close to Blair and it made him feel closer to her. Everythng about Ann was so much like Blair. He could hold her for hours just so he could watch those deep chocolate eyes stare back up at him.

"Don't worry Blair," He said noticing her hesitation to leave. She was always like this no matter how many times she left Ann with him. He gave her a charming smile and stood walking her to the door. "We'll be fine. If I need you I'll call, I promise."

He supposed she was at last satisfied that Ann would be fine as she finally nodded and left. He waved and leaned back against the door with a sigh as soon as it was shut. So this obviously wouldn't be a repeat of one year ago. As much as he would love a do over of that day he knew he couldn't deal with that kind of pain again. He'd lost Blair so many times maybe it was just better if she stayed lost.

At least he could hold Ann, that small piece of Blair he could still spend time with without the constant suffering. He walked up to Ann's nursery and over to her crib, a smile immediately growing on his face as he saw her awake in her crib. Her dark eyes, Blair's dark eyes, looked up at him and Ann smiled back at him the most adorable baby smile. He lifted her up cradling the small baby in his strong arms. She was so beautiful and even at 6 months Blair always had her dressed immaculately. He sat down in the rocking chair he'd seen Blair use so often and rocked Ann gently.

"You know why your momma named you Ann?" He said quietly. He loved just talking to her and watching the way her eyes lit up and the way she smiled. This was one of the stories that always made her smile because even at such a young age, of course Blair's daughter would love a good fairy tale. "It's because in one of her favorite movies, there's a princess named Ann. And your momma is... well, very crazy when it comes to her favorite movies. Don't tell her I told you so though." He said chuckling as the small hand grasped at his finger.

"And you're a princess, Ann, and you'll always be treated like one. That's why your momma named you that." He said sitting back and rocking in the rocking chair stroking Ann's dark brown curls.

"You're all she has, you know." He said quietly. He didn't care that Ann had no idea what he'd been saying this whole time. "Don't give her too much trouble okay? You have to be a good little girl. I know it's probably very hard for you, you do have Blair and Chuck's genes in you." He said, a tiny bit of laughter in his voice. "But be good for her. She loves you more than anything."

* * *

A/N: Sooo, this is my first ever attempt at a fanfiction. Hopefully it wasn't too awful and you like it. :) If you do I would love to hear back and get some reviews and constructive criticism. Please don't hate my story just because you don't like the couple or anything like that. Don't read it if you don't want to read a Nate and Blair story. Anyways hope you like it! Please review!


	2. You Promised Her

Christmas shopping was brutal even for someone as experienced as Blair. She trudged back home through the snow carrying more shopping bags than she'd originally intended to go home with. That's what usually happened when she went shopping though, especially for Ann. Everything was just too adorable to pass up, from the tiny baby shoes that wouldn't even fit on most dolls to the toys that she just knew Ann would love. This is how Ann's nursery had become overrun with toys she'd probably never play with and clothes she'd grow out of before she ever got the chance to wear because she had so many other outfits. But Blair didn't care. It made her happy to spoil her daughter.

When she finally arrived back at the house there was no sign of any kind of destruction or that any horrible tragedy had occurred. She trusted Nate, she really did. She just didn't like the idea of leaving Ann, even if it was with a trusted long time friend. She sighed, dropped the bags by the doorway and hung her snow covered coat in the doorway.

"Blair?" Nate walked out of the kitchen holding Ann in his arms feeding her a bottle. He smiled and chuckled quietly seeing the flakes of snow that hadn't melted yet and were still scattered in her dark hair. "Hey..."

She looked over and smiled back at him. "Hey, everything go okay?" She asked as she walked over and smiled down at her tiny baby. "Hi sweetie, did you have a good time with Nate?"

He smiled seeing Ann's face immediately light up recognizing her mother's voice and face. "Oh yeah, she had a great time eating, sleeping and pooping." He nodded with a laugh and looked back up at Blair. "How was shopping?"

Blair shrugged. "I would've preferred dealing with the eating, sleeping and pooping baby over crazy Christmas shopping moms." She muttered and walked back to the foyer to grab her shopping bags and put them in the closet where the rest of the presents were stored until she could find the time to get around to wrapping them.

"But you are a crazy Christmas shopping mom." He teased, that same charming smile on his face and laughed when she fixed him with a glare. Teasing her never got old. Angry Blair was adorable. There was a point when angry Blair got terrifying but as of right now, after some playful teasing, angry Blair was adorable.

"That's not the point." She said and walked over to him scooping Ann into her own arms taking over bottle duty. "The point is they're crazy and all over the place and make it impossible to just quickly pick up a few things so I can get back here to Ann." She explained as if it should be obvious to him. But he could tell he'd completely lost her attention to Ann. She smiled at her and placed the bottle aside when Ann appeared to be finished with it.

He smiled watching her with Ann. He'd never imagined Blair as a motherly type but she really was perfect at it. It always made him wonder why Chuck and Blair had waited so long to start a family. They'd been married for nearly 5 years after all. He didn't like to think about Chuck and Blair's marriage all that long though so he'd given up trying to figure that one out.

Blair looked up quick enough to notice Nate watching her. "Oh, umm, you don't have to stay." She said and smiled a bit at him. "I've got nowhere else to go so I don't really need you to babysit anymore." She said a bit hesitantly. Neither really wanted him to go. Blair enjoyed to friendly company after the day she had. And although she'd never admit it to herself or anyone else she enjoyed Nate's company more than just any friendly company. And Nate, he would take all the time he could get watching over Blair and Ann.

Neither of them would admit this though and both of them understood that they couldn't pursue these thoughts. They both knew it was time for him to leave. So Nate nodded and smiled back at her. "Alright, well it was great seeing you both. If you ever need me to watch her again you know I'd be more than happy to." He said as he pulled on his jacket.

"Thanks Nate, it means a lot really." She said giving him a smile. Their eyes lingered for a moment before Blair broke the gaze looking back down at Ann. "See you." She said simply and turned away rocking Ann in her arms.

Nate took that as his cue to leave and headed toward the door. He was about to reach for the handle when it opened and Chuck walked in. He looked a little surprised to see Nate before regaining his composure. He didn't greet him with a smile or anything like that. "What are you doing here?" He asked in an almost hostile tone as he dusted the snow from his coat.

"Oh... I was, uh... Just watching Ann while Blair went out to pick up a few things..." He explained slightly surprised by his tone. "Sorry, I was just on my way out." He added.

Chuck simply nodded and walked past him inside the house leaving Nate standing in the foyer, dumbstruck by the less than warm welcome. He couldn't help himself from standing there a few minutes longer and listening in. He knew it was wrong but he just couldn't help himself.

Blair looked up when Chuck entered the kitchen but she remained silent. If the only good-bye he could muster was a slam of the door then the only hello she would give him was silence. She looked back down at Ann who was now asleep in her arms. It was already dark out and a little bit past her bedtime. She was sure Nate had tired her out anyway. His eating, sleeping and pooping comment hadn't let on much but Blair knew Nate. He was just a big child at heart and he was probably more entertained than Ann by the 6 month old's toys.

"You know Ann has a nanny for a reason." Chuck said finally breaking the silence as he hung up his coat.

Blair pulled her gaze away from Ann and looked at him in confusion. "Yes, as a last resort for when no one else is available." She said frowning slightly. "So what if I would rather have someone we both know and trust watch her over some nanny?"

"Maybe we would actually know and trust the nanny if you ever let her do her job." He muttered and Blair knew they were already on their way to a fight. Neither of them were aware that Nate was still standing in the foyer listening in on their conversation.

"What does it matter?" She asked again slower, her tone showing that she was obviously getting annoyed. "Nate's great with Ann and she loves him so why shouldn't I ask him to babysit every once in a while?"

Chuck watched her a moment and shook his head. "I don't think she's the only one who loves Nathaniel." He said staring at her intently. Nate and Blair both froze and went wide-eyed.

Nate didn't want to hear anymore. He didn't need to hear Blair deny she loved him. He already knew Blair had no feelings for him anymore. She had made that painfully clear over the years. He quietly slipped out the front door into the dark winter New York streets. He didn't much feel like walking home in the snow so he hailed a taxi to his apartment and went straight to sleep before his memories and feelings could catch up with him.

"Excuse me?" Blair asked frowning at him. "Did you ever think maybe the reason I asked him to babysit might be because Nate actually spends time with her? I wouldn't have even needed to call him over if you hadn't stormed out." She said challengingly. It was always the same arguments and this was one of the fights that got especially heated. Before he could reply though, she felt a tiny stir in her arms and looked down at Ann. Blair couldn't help but soften watching her sleep.

"Forget it." She said quietly getting up from the chair she sat at. "I'm going to put Ann to bed and then I'm going to bed myself. You know where the guest room is." She said, her voice cold and unfeeling. She quickly turned and went upstairs to Ann's nursery leaving him to fume over his latest delusion. She didn't love Nate, he was going insane. Sure, she may have some tiny remainder of feelings for him but she didn't _love_ him. It was just care for a long time friend who she_ used to _love.

She gently placed Ann down in her crib and tucked her in carefully. She leaned down and softly kissed her head. "Good night babydoll. Love you." She whispered quietly before leaving the nursery and going to her own bedroom. Letting out a heavy sigh, she shut the door and changed into a warm pair of matching pajamas before crawling into bed and snuggling up in the blankets. It had been a long day between fighting with Chuck and crazy Christmas shopping moms. Not to mention dealing with the fact that it was exactly a year since, well... a day she'd never forget. With all this wearing her out, it didn't take her very long to drift into a deep sleep.

* * *

The next morning Blair awoke to the familiar sound of Ann's cries. She sighed tiredly and opened her eyes not surprised to find the other side of the bed empty and unslept in. She stretched and sat up rubbing the sleep out of her eyes before making her way to Ann's nursery, confused when Ann's cries fell silent.

Quickly, she hurried into the room and blinked a few times seeing Chuck holding Ann and gently rocking her to quiet her. Blair bit her lip completely caught off guard and not sure what to say.

"Is she alright?" She asked finally finding her voice.

He turned to look at her and nodded. "Oh, yeah... Just wanted a little attention. I think she needs a diaper change though." He said with a soft chuckle and looked up when she started to make her way over to them. "It's okay, I got it." He said waving his white flag by offering her a small smile.

She was still surprised but finally she smiled a bit back at him and nodded. "Alright..." she said and sat in the rocking chair as he changed Ann's diaper.

Chuck walked back over to Blair after making sure Ann was all changed and clean. He handed her to Blair gently and watched as Blair rocked back and forth in the chair smiling down at Ann. "Listen, Blair... I'm really sorry." He admitted quietly and smiled sheepishly at her.

Blair bit her lip softly and glanced up at him before looking back down at Ann. She shook her head. "Always apologizing." She mumbled to herself quietly. She'd been through this before many times with Chuck. He always apologized for their arguments, for not spending time with Ann, for working too much. The list went on and on. She wondered if it was endearing that Chuck Bass, with all his pride, could apologize to her so many times. Or maybe it was a sign that something wasn't right if he had to keep apologizing for the same things.

He sighed and ran his hand through his hair before kneeling down beside the rocking chair. "I know Blair..." He sighed once more and gently placed his hand over hers. "I'm taking off work for a while... A few days before Christmas up to New Years." He said and smiled softly at her and brought her hand to his lips. "I'm sorry." He mumbled once more.

She couldn't help her smile hearing he'd take off work. She closed her hand around his and sighed softly. "It's okay Chuck." She said and leaned over softly kissing his lips once. "It takes two hard-headed people to fight like we do." She said a small teasing smile on her lips. "And I'm sorry too."

He chuckled and kissed her cheek before getting up off his knees. "I was thinking we could go to the park today, you, me and Ann."

Blair smiled up at him and nodded. "Alright... the park sounds great."


	3. I Love the Way You Lie

When Christmas morning came around, Blair was more excited than a little kid. She'd outdone herself trying to make Ann's first Christmas perfect. The bottom of the fake tree they'd gotten was littered with more presents than she could count. Most were for Ann, but there were a few there for Chuck and some for Blair herself.

She never quite understood how people could enjoy giving gifts more than getting them before she had Ann. Now she couldn't care less how many presents were there for her. She just couldn't wait to give Ann hers, even if the small baby probably wouldn't care.

Things had been much better with Chuck the past week. He was true to his word about staying home from work with them and he spent more time with Ann too. Blair felt that familiar happiness whenever her and Chuck were on good terms. She felt like she had when they first fell in love, when they got married, like maybe they could make it work despite their hard-headed personalities.

Blair woke up early on Christmas morning, before Ann even had the chance to wake her up. She smiled and placed a soft kiss on the sleeping mess of hair beside her before heading off to the bathroom to shower. Chuck didn't even stir.

Eventually Ann woke up, Chuck soon following her and Blair got to give her daughter the perfect Christmas morning. She sat beside the tree with Ann in her lap and enthusiastically showed her each and every gift.

Chuck couldn't help his amusement at Blair's excitement while Ann clearly had little clue what was going on. He sat in the armchair sipping coffee and watching them.

"I think you missed one." He teased and pushed a small jewelry box with a ribbon around it over toward them with his foot.

Blair looked up at him and down at the box smiling. "What's this?" She asked raising her eyebrow at Chuck after noticing her name written on the tag.

He shrugged and smiled back at her. "How would I know?" He feigned ignorance despite her knowing smile.

She lifted the box and softly kissed Ann's head before opening the present and finding a gorgeous diamond bracelet inside. She looked up at him smiling happily and he moved to sit on the floor beside her gently taking her hand and hooking the bracelet around her wrist.

"Thank you." She said admiring the new jewelry her other arm still wrapped around Ann holding her in her lap. She gave Ann a gentle squeeze before her eyes looked up and met Chuck's. He kissed her softly and they smiled at each other.

She was beginning to think maybe things weren't as screwed up as they seemed. Her hope for a normal family life was growing stronger every day. Still, there were things deep down that were keeping her from believing that was possible, things she knew she couldn't just forget and act like they weren't true.

Ann interrupted them as she pressed a button on one of her new toys and giggled hearing it talk. Blair and Chuck both laughed and Blair placed another soft kiss on her daughter's head before handing her over to Chuck so she could get some coffee for herself.

She'd succeeded in giving Ann the perfect Christmas morning. Blair had had a pretty good morning herself. She sighed once in the kitchen and leaned back against the counter sipping her coffee. If she could give Ann the perfect first Christmas, there must be a way to give her the perfect family, perfect life and she'd find a way to do that.

Nate made his way to Blair and Chuck's home later that evening, carrying a few presents in his arms for Ann. He'd had no idea what to get her. What do you get a 6 month old that already has literally everything? In the end he'd settled on a few stuffed toys, a doll and some books.

He knocked on the door and waited out in the freezing snow, hoping someone would answer quickly. He got his wish as Blair opened the door and a surprised smile spread over her lips.

"Hey, Nate! Merry Christmas!" She greeted him cheerfully, to Nate's surprise, before stepping aside to let him in. "Let me take those." She said taking the boxes from him and setting them aside.

"Merry Christmas, Blair." He smiled and was even more surprised when she returned and gave him a hug. His arms instinctively wrapped around her and hugged her back. He chuckled and finally pulled away a bit. "Having a good day?" He asked playfully about her obvious good mood.

Blair laughed. "It's Christmas!" She said simply shaking her head. She took his coat from him and hung it up in the closet before leading him into the living room where Chuck was sitting with Ann watching TV. She'd woken up from her nap not long ago and was still in her calm sleepy mode.

Nate couldn't help feeling awkward being there. He found it sad that he was so comfortable with Chuck and Blair fighting and being at each other's throats that he didn't know what to do when they were actually getting along.

"Hey Chuck," He smiled walking in behind Blair. "I, um.. was just dropping off a few presents for Ann." He explained to them.

Chuck looked over and smiled a bit. "That's thoughtful of you Nathaniel." He said simply.

Blair smiled more as she lifted Ann from Chuck's arms and held her close. "She's very thankful. She just loooooves Christmas and getting all these presents." She laughed and nodded eskimo kissing the tiny girl.

He smiled softly watching Blair and Ann before quickly catching himself and reminding himself not to stare. They weren't his.

"I figured. She is your daughter after all." He chuckled. "I kind of have a present for you two also." He said with a small smile. "I thought maybe you two would want to have a night out... so if you wanted to go out for a Christmas dinner or anything, I could babysit." He offered. He loved seeing Blair so happy, even if it wasn't with him and he'd do what he could to keep her that way.

Before Chuck could say anything, Blair beat him to it. "You're offering to babysit on Christmas?" She laughed and Nate just shrugged slowly realizing how pathetic he looked right about now.

"Don't be silly." She said shaking her head. "If you don't have any Christmas dinner plans then you can eat here with us."

Chuck frowned slightly hearing Blair but she paid no mind to him.

Nate looked between the two of them unsure. That sounded like a set-up for a really awkward dinner, but he couldn't turn the invitation down if he wanted to. Blair had her mind set and even Chuck knew that was that and Nate was staying.

"We'll take you up on your offer some other time, when it's not Christmas." She said and patted his arm gently. She gave each of the men a smile, ignoring their disdain at the new dinner plans.

Blair took Ann up to her nursery and had her fed and situated in her crib after opening Nate's presents and thanking him. An early bedtime meant an early rise for her tomorrow but Blair was willing to do it. She'd tired Ann out with all the excitements of her first Christmas.

When she returned to the table for dinner with Nate and Chuck she did her best to ward off any awkward silence that came over them. She asked about Nate and his family and how his Christmas had been. Chuck sat quietly not even trying to hide his contempt.

Halfway through their meal Blair heard Ann's cries over the monitor and quickly hurried off to calm her leaving Nate and Chuck alone again.

Nate glanced up from his plate and looked over at Chuck who was silent. "I'm sorry if I intruded..." He said noting on Chuck's mood.

That seemed to get his attention for he finally looked up and met Nate's eyes. He stared at him for a long moment which made Nate uncomfortable but finally he spoke. "It doesn't bother me that you're here. It bothers me that she invited you." He said.

Nate was dumbfounded. This was the most honest Chuck had been since, well, ever really. He always hid what he was feeling, a lot like Blair. That was probably one of the reasons they fought so much, way too many repressed emotions for one household. Chuck had never admitted to him his insecurities about Blair and himself so he was definitely caught off guard.

Finally he found his voice. "It's Christmas... she was just being Blair... always the hostess, you know?" He said with a shrug denying any thought Chuck had that Blair may have feelings for him.

Chuck just shook his head. "If you actually believe that then she's playing you worse than she is me." He said and Nate could've sworn he detected the same heartbreak in Chuck's voice that he so often heard in Blair's. He was too confused by Chuck's words to worry about that though.

"What are you talking about?" Nate asked staring at Chuck confused and yet intrigued by what he'd said.

Chuck studied Nate for a long while as if debating with himself over whether to explain or not. He knew telling Nate what he knew would most likely spell the end of his and Blair's marriage. His marriage with Blair though, was nothing but a lie now and he knew that.

"She's lying to you." He finally said. "She's lying to both of us. The only difference is that I know the truth."

* * *

A/N: Wow, I suck lol. I hope after such a long wait there's no disappointment over this chapter. :D Hope you like it and I'd love to hear your feedback! Thanks so much to all who have reviewed I really appreciate it!

Also if you'd like more consistent updates on NB stories then check out my partner account, it's much easier to keep that up to date and we're pretty good about it so while you wait for awful me to update this story you can read the NB fics on my partner account which can be found on my profile :)

~Cookie


	4. December 17th Last Year, Part One

December 17th last year

_Blair's hand shook resisting the urge to slam the phone back into its receiver. Chuck was supposed to come back from his business trip tomorrow. However she'd just received a call from someone who worked for him that Chuck would have to stay longer and he wasn't sure when he'd be back._

_She shook her head pacing the living room muttering about how he didn't even have the decency to make the call himself. She was sure that call meant he'd be gone for Christmas. Chuck probably knew exactly when he'd be arriving back home, he just wouldn't admit that he was choosing his work over spending the holidays with her. She sighed and collapsed into her arm chair listening to the crackling of the fireplace allowing it to soothe her even just for a minute._

_Soon the silence of the rest of the house began to get to her though. She realized just how alone she really was, only a week away from Christmas. She'd been married for about four years now and she felt more alone than ever. She pulled a blanket over herself hugging her knees close against her chest as her eyes drifted to the window and her mind wandered away from her lonely state of affairs._

_She went through her friends and acquaintances in her head trying to think of someone who might be as pathetic as her tonight. Someone she might be able to escape with for the night just to talk to for a bit. Sadly, she didn't know anyone that pathetic, only herself._

_In a last ditch effort to not be alone she picked up the phone and called the one friend she knew was still at least in the city for the holidays. Whether he was as pathetically alone as she was right now, she wasn't sure._

_She hadn't spoken to Nate for a while, about a month. Last they spoke though, he'd been dating someone new as he so often was. She guessed he was anything but alone tonight and she was wasting her time, but still she dialed in the number._

_Surprisingly he answered pretty quickly and she had to smile hearing his voice on the other line._

_"Hello?" He answered._

_"Hey, it's Blair." She said, happy that he'd at least picked up._

_Nate was caught off guard by the fact that Blair was calling him. She usually called for two reasons, to invite him to some boring event or to complain about Chuck. Sometimes both. "Hey, Blair…" He said cautiously._

_She frowned. "Why do you sound like you're preparing for a bomb to explode?" She asked him. "I just wanted to know if you were doing anything, or if maybe you'd like to keep me company."_

_Nate smiled, happily surprised by the invitation. "Oh…" He said. "Yeah, of course. I'll be right there." He responded already grabbing his jacket._

_Blair smiled, happy that she'd found some way to spend the evening besides fuming over Chuck. "Great, see you soon." She said and hung up the phone._

_Nate arrived at Blair's place about twenty minutes after they'd hung up. He hurried under the covering of the building to escape the snow and knocked on the door._

_"Hey Nate," Blair greeted him as she opened the door and stepped aside to let him in out of the cold._

_He grinned. A month had been too long. Unable to help himself, he pulled her tiny body close into a big hug and gently squeezed her. "Hi Blair," He replied pulling away to smile at her._

_She scrunched her nose as he hugged her and playfully pushed him away. "You're cold and getting me all snowy." She said taking a step back to wipe herself off._

_Nate chuckled. "Sorry." He said as he began to remove his wet, snowy jacket, but Blair stopped him._

_"Keep it on. We're going out." She said._

_He looked at her in confusion and glanced outside. "It's snowing." He protested and she shrugged as she walked to the closet to get her own jacket and shoes._

_"I don't want to be cooped up in the house anymore." She said simply and returned to his side a minute later all bundled up. She looked about ready to face a blizzard._

_He smiled at how adorable she looked bundled up like that. They left the house together, Nate not bothering to argue with her about going out in the snow. He might enjoy a walk with her anyway, even if it was freezing out._

_"So what's with the random invitation over?" He asked her, his curiosity getting the better of him. He hadn't talked to Blair since he'd run into her with his last girlfriend who she'd been particularly rude to. That seemed like ages ago. He'd broken up with the girl the next day. Coincidence of course. He was extremely glad to hear from Blair though. He couldn't stop himself from thinking about her no matter how long they went without speaking. She'd always be in his mind._

_Blair was quiet for a minute trying not to get upset all over again. "I just wanted company." She said staring straight ahead of them._

_Nate instantly knew by her demeanor that this was a Chuck issue. He knew Chuck was away for business, maybe she'd just been lonely. Something about her suggested there was more to it than that though._

_He looked at her quietly for a moment studying her profile. How Chuck could leave her for weeks on end without a thought, Nate would never understand. Why Blair put up with it though, was even more baffling to him. It was almost annoying how she could give Chuck so many chances but wouldn't give him one all because of that stupid ring on her finger._

_"When's Chuck getting back?" He asked looking down at his feet as he kicked up a bit of snow._

_He glanced over at her in time to see her glaring at him for asking such a question. He'd been mocking her relationship and she could tell by his tone. What really bothered her is that her relationship probably deserved to be mocked._

_"I don't know." She said simply._

_Nate looked at her confused and was about to speak when Blair interrupted him in a desperate attempt to change the subject. "Let's go to Rockefeller Center." She said wrapping her gloved hand around his. They were only about a block away by now anyway. She could see the lights from the Christmas tree in the distance._

_He simply nodded, his mind reeling from the quiet that had come over her and the fact that she was holding his hand. It was a childish thing to get excited over, but it reminded him of simpler times when he and Blair were younger and happier than ever._

_He smiled over at her as they arrived in front of the gigantic Christmas tree. Normally the crowd and tourists would annoy him but Blair wanted to be here so he did too. He gave her hand a gentle squeeze to get her attention. She hadn't spoken since he'd brought up Chuck and he couldn't help his worry._

_"Hey," He spoke quietly to her. "Everything's okay, right?" He asked her when she turned to face him._

_Her gorgeous dark eyes stared at him for a long moment. She bit her lip softly and shook her head a bit. She didn't want to go back to her empty house. She didn't want to face the holidays alone. She could deny to her grave that she was unhappy in her marriage but she'd complained to Nate too many times to bother._

_"I really don't want to talk about it Nate…" She said shaking her head and looking back up at the tree._

_He studied her for a minute silently before following her gaze toward the tree. He sighed softly feeling like a coward. How many times was he going to be a shoulder for her to cry on or a distraction from her problems with Chuck before he finally told her how he felt? He couldn't anymore. It broke his heart to watch her like this so often only to walk her back to the home she shared with Chuck. Then a week or month later, however long it took them to piss each other off which they inevitably did, he was back here comforting her again._

_He just couldn't do it anymore._

_"Blair…" He said quietly. Her eyes glanced over at him for a split second but she remained staring up at the tree. He knew she'd heard him._

_He leaned down close to her ear, hesitating only a moment. "I love you." He whispered into her ear._

_There was no denying she'd heard that one. Every muscle in her body went tense, yet still she continued to stare up at that damn tree._

_She couldn't tear her gaze from it. As badly as she wanted to look at Nate and slap him, or kiss him. She didn't even know which one at the moment. Her heart pounded and her feelings were so jumbled up she felt like if she looked at him she might do both._

_Nate didn't back down though, despite her silence. He knew she'd heard him. She knew now and there was no turning back._

_"Blair." He said again and softly kissed away a tear she'd let escape. "I love you." He said again, more firmly. He wanted her to hear it and believe it. He gently placed his hand on her chin turning her to face him._

_His cold fingers burnt into her skin but she didn't resist and at last her glossy eyes met his. They looked at each other for what seemed like hours waiting for the other to do something._

_It was Blair who finally turned and began to walk away. Nate was sure he'd screwed his chances until she turned to look at him_

_Blair had expected him to follow. She walked back over to him trying to read his face, a mixture of hurt and confusion. Without a word she wrapped her hand around his once more and began to lead him away from the crowd._

_His mind was going insane. He was either getting rejected or, dare he even believe it, what he'd been waiting for for years now._

_She didn't know where she was taking them. She just wanted to get away from the crowd. She wanted to be alone with him for whatever she was going to say to him. What was she going to say to him? God, she didn't even know._

_She stopped when they were a block away again. His hand was still enclosed tightly in hers. Neither of them spoke but they were both thinking of nothing but each other._

_Finally Blair turned to face him and without a second thought pressed her lips to his, their bodies melding perfectly together as she pressed herself against him._

_He didn't hesitate to kiss her back with all the passion he'd been holding back for so long. His arms moved around her body and held her as close as he could, afraid she'd come to her senses any second and she'd be gone. He wouldn't let that happen though. She was his, even if just for this moment._

_Blair wasn't even considering pulling away though. Hearing him say he loved her, kissing him, it awoke something inside of her she hadn't felt for so long. She didn't know exactly what that was, but it was something she sorely missed since her relationship with Chuck had dwindled to the sad state it was in now._

_She pulled away to breathe but her body remained close to him. They looked into each other's eyes and Blair gently brushed his hair out of his eyes, something she often did when they were younger and made out like this._

_Nate couldn't help his smile at the familiar gesture and the feeling of having Blair back in his arms where she belonged._

_"Be mine, Blair." He whispered to her quietly, his lips were still so close to hers. "Please…"_

_His words scared the happiness right out of her. She backed away from him slowly and he felt his heart plummet to his feet._

_"I can't." she choked out quietly as if those words took every ounce of self control that she had, because they did. She quickly shook her head and her eyes welled up with tears that she wouldn't let fall._

_"Blair…" He pleaded with her and cursed himself in his head. Why couldn't he have just kept his mouth shut and enjoyed having her in his arms just a minute more. "Why not?" He asked heartbroken._

_She looked away, unable to hold his gaze with him looking at her like that. "You know why Nate…" She said quietly. She was surprised at how her own heart was breaking as well. "I have a husband, and an obligation to him." She said still not meeting his eyes._

_"Where is he then?" Nate asked her, getting upset. He hated how she stayed with him even now. He knew she'd felt the same thing he felt when they kissed. He knew Chuck wasn't the guy for her but still she insisted on staying with him. "Where is he?" He demanded from her again._

_"He doesn't stop being my husband just because he's gone Nate!" She yelled back at him finally turning to look him in the eye. Only a few minutes ago they'd looked at each other with so much love, now her eyes held fire._

_Nate frowned at her as Blair backed away from him even more. "I get enough fighting from Chuck, I don't need it from you too." She said quietly._

_He looked utterly exasperated. "That's what I'm trying to tell you Blair." He said calming down a bit and moving closer to her gently cupping her face in his hands. "I love you, Blair. You don't have to put up with the fighting anymore. Please, we can be happy together." He said studying her face hopefully._

_For a brief moment the two of them were completely convinced that what he said was true. Nate was sure of it and Blair was ready to leave Chuck in a heartbeat just looking into his blue eyes._

_The moment passed though and she pulled out of his hands. "I can't." She repeated again and choked back a sob as she watched his face fall. She couldn't bear to go on like this with him, so she turned and ran leaving him alone in the snow._

_

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A/N: I'm in a rush so short author's note. I wanted to get the chapter up before I left though so I hope you like it! I somewhat like it hehe, I was excited to write this chapter sooo... I don't know I guess we'll see how it goes down with you reviewers :)

Please let me know what you think!

PS. In case you didn't realize this is all a flashback... I hope you've realized that by now but... just in case.

~Cookie


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